


The List

by my_mad_fatuation



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 20:59:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12020883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: Finn has started keeping a journal to try and deal with his feelings for Rae.





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt: https://i-dream-of-emus.tumblr.com/post/163646220208/i-dream-of-emus-this-has-to-be-a-rinn-prompt

Dear Diary,

That makes me sound like a 12-year-old girl, but I don’t know how else to start this. I’ve never kept a diary before. Or is it a journal? Does that sound more masculine? Either way, I’ve never done it before, so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to write.

I guess I should explain why I decided to start this journal anyway. I have a secret that I can’t tell anyone, but I need to get it off my chest. Holding it in is driving me mad, but I can’t tell my friends because it’s about one of them.

I might as well just come out and say it. It’s about Rae. She started hanging out with us this summer and even though it’s only been a few weeks I think I have a major crush on her. I know that sounds crazy but it’s true. She’s just so cool and fun and I’ve been getting to know her more lately and I want to spend all my time with her.

But I can tell she only sees me as a friend and there’s no way I can let her know. Which means I can’t tell any of the gang, or she’ll find out. So that’s why I’ve decided to keep this journal. So I can stop holding onto this feeling and maybe let it go.

***

Dear Journal,

This isn’t working. I still can’t stop thinking about Rae all the time. Even though school has started and I should be paying attention in my classes I just can’t. Today in class I wrote her a note on a scrap of paper. It’s a list of things I’d like to do with her, like listen to music and watch movies and wake up to see the sunrise.

I’m not actually going to give her the note though. I can’t even imagine what she’d say if she read it. She’d probably think I’m a complete weirdo. I’ve stuck it here in between the pages of this journal so no one will ever find it.

I saw her today, though. Well, I see her everyday, but today she looked particularly radiant. Of course, I’m not supposed to think that anymore because I’m trying to get over my crush. Writing love notes and staring at her is not the way to do that, I assume.

In fact, I was staring so much today that she actually confronted me about it.

“Quit staring at me, it freaks me out,” she said after I’d been staring at her for a good three minutes or more.

So I scoffed and replied, “I’m not staring at ya.”

The look of contempt she gave me made it clear that I could never reveal my feelings for her. She would never feel that way about me. I’m better off just moving on for good.

***

Dear Journal,

I’ve decided to start carrying this journal around with me. I’ve just found myself in too many situations recently where I’ve needed to let my feelings out—jeez, that sounds lame—and since I can’t share them with anyone else, I need to write them down.

Every time my feelings for Rae flare up, I can talk myself out of them by reading past entries, too. Today, for instance, I almost forgot about that look of contempt she usually gives me when she actually laughed at one of my jokes. But going back and reading my last entry reminded me that she really hates me, and that set me straight.

I can’t even remember what my joke was, just that I didn’t even think it was all that funny. But I can remember her laugh, and the way her eyes smiled like I’ve never seen before. She’s even more beautiful than I previously thought.

All the more reason to stay vigilant. I must remain strong.

***

Dear Journal,

It’s good to have you back. You’ll never guess what happened this weekend, though.

It all started when I accidentally left my bag at the chippy. Of course, this journal was inside and I was totally panicked that someone was going to find and read it. Even if that did happen, though, I would be fine as long as it wasn’t found by a certain someone.

I returned to the chippy when I realized it was gone, but the person there said that my friend with the long dark hair had taken it. Clearly I was doomed.

I rode to Rae’s house on my scooter, hoping maybe I could catch her before she’d had a chance to go through my stuff and discover this journal. When she answered the door, she looked really put out and I worried I was too late.

“You left your bag behind,” she said in a monotone. “You should be more careful about zipping it up, too. Your notebook fell out when I picked it up.”

“Did… Did you read it?” I asked.

“Of course not, I’m not a snoop,” she said. “Though this note fell out of it,” she added, handing me The List.

“Look, I can explain—” I began, though she interrupted me.

“I don’t care that you write cute notes for Chloe, all right?” She folded her arms across her chest like she was angry, though.

“For Chloe?” I said. “That note’s not for Chloe.”

She eyed me suspiciously. “Who’s it for, then?”

“Uh, no one. It was just a stupid thing I wrote down for no one.” I crumpled The List in my hand and shoved it in my pocket.

“You want to go on long walks and hold hands and watch the sunset with no one?” she asked skeptically. I was surprised that it seemed like she’d memorized the list. “Look, whoever it’s for, I don’t care,” she added, her arms still folded.

“Are you sure you didn’t read my diary?” I asked.

“Your diary?”

“I mean, my journal!”

“Why would you think I’ve read your journal?”

“You seem to hate me now more than usual, so I thought you might have read that I…”

“That you what?”

“You know what, never mind,” I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

“Did you write something about me in your journal?” she asked. “Did you write something horrible about me? Well, I don’t care. You can think whatever you want about me. You can hate me for all I—”

“It’s not like that!” I added quickly. “I didn’t write anything horrible about you, just that I… That I…”

“That you…?”

“I have a major crush on you!” I blurted out, though I immediately regretted it when I saw the look of horror and confusion on her face.

“You what?” she said.

“That note was for you, all right?” I said with a defeated sigh. “I wrote it for you, but I was never going to let you see it, because I knew you’d react like this, because you hate me and—”

“Finn,” she said, smiling a little. “Would you like to get coffee with me?”

And so we started to make our way through The List.


End file.
